Sometimes an issue of convenience can make all the difference. Take last week. After a demoralizing weekend in which I battled a high fever and chills (while still managing to finish a final exam and Powerpoint presentation − but that’s another, much less interesting story), I slumped into a mangled heap, unable to move a muscle till Monday. With the new dawn came the shocking realization: I was past deadline for this article, and I needed to choose some trendy digs to review and fast. Bad news: lunches were out on account of my day job and evenings were weren’t any more doable. Doshio…I needed to find a place that had good grub, decent booze, was cheap AND was open in that most unlikely of feeding times: 3 PM. Then it hit me: Slices.

Walking down from Namba into Amemura, I take a left off the main drag, and head toward the ubiquitous Ganja Acid intersection (well, not exactly ubiquitous, really, but the hipster garage rockers that run GA deserve a plug). Slices is right there on the left. Walk in and you’re in a decidedly long space, white brick walls and wooden tables on the left, a full bar on the right. Bossa nova plays in the background. A regular and two staff members lounge pleasantly toward the back, a scene more akin to a family-run cafe´ in Ko Samui than a Canadian-style pizza place in Minami. The owner, Seng, greets me in English and hands me a menu; her brother and co-owner Sone sits smiling in the back, talking with a customer. Ah the menu. Before I get into all the human interest stuff, we’ve got to hit the food.

For a cafe´/bar in Japan, you’re not likely to find a better variety of dishes more suited to us cheese, salt and sugar-starved gaijin. Okay, now, appetizers…Hmmm, garlic toast, nachos, chicken sticks, fries, bruschetta, mozzarella sticks, deep-fried rice croquettes, thinly sliced deep fried potatoes topped high with sliced onions…get they behind me temptation! Alright, lunch was a few hours ago. Let’s just get one substantial something and call it an early dinner.

I flip to the entrees. Giant pizzas: cheese, pepperoni, deluxe, veggie, Hawaiian, meat lovers, garlic + tomato, seafood, BBQ chicken, curry (!) − by the pie or slice! Calzone. Spaghetti. Wraps (avocado/chicken centered). Hot dogs. Bagel sandwiches. A goddamn grilled ham and cheese! And all of it reasonably priced! Okay, I can’t believe any of this is gonna taste anywhere near North American greasy-spoon standards, but I’ll take the risk. I order the seafood calzone and a beer, and start chatting with the small group in the back.

Turns out Seng and Sone have just celebrated Slices’ 3rd year anniversary. Seems like things are going well. We talk about their pizza contributions to WhyNot!? Japan’s international parties at Pure. Always delicious, but always gone in a matter of seconds, I whine. They shrug their shoulders. When your product is that hot, it’s not hard to see why it goes so fast.

My calzone arrives, and a few Japanese customers saunter in. I pick up with a goofy Filipino-Canadian-American guy slouched in the back (who shall remain nameless to protect the guilty), and we and Sone shoot the shit on several topics while I nosh down the creamy calzone delight. “I think I want to be a slut,” my new best friend confides. “Well, you could try cruising the supermarket for chicks,” Sone suggests. “All those women wearing make-up to do grocery shopping − they’re obviously looking for some action.” I nod sagely in agreement.

The topic of conversation swings from MILFs to politics to the fall of NOVA to running a restaurant in Osaka. Sone and I shake our heads at the unlucky location down the street that’s seen not one but two gaijin-friendly bars fail in the last year (The Dragonfly Cafe´ and Fore Play), and wonder what’s key to success in Minami. Both of us agree that a ground floor location, a specific identity and hard workers provide a major advantage (see also the popular L&L down the road), but other than that, we’re stumped. I order another beer.

A light rain starts to fall outside as the bossa nova turns to house, and I realize I’ve been there for more than two hours. Well, then I bet I could find some place in my stomach for a bit of dessert (sayonara self-control). Let’s see, we’ve got parfaits, cake, banana splits, s’mores − good lord- a multitude of bubble teas, smoothies and milkshakes. Would it be too much to order peanut butter cup milkshake with a jigger of Kahlua? Their “drunken milkshakes” included one shot of any alcohol of your choice − how deliciously decadent…. No, it just wouldn’t be right to come to a pizza place and not at least get one slice a da pie. “Cheese slice with mushrooms and olives,” I pronounce. The old standby.

As the clock strikes 6, Japanese staffer Momoko (code name Mao Mao) takes over, and brings me my ‘dessert’, a slice nearly the same size as a full pie from a Japanese chain (and without all that mayonnaise, corn and potato rubbish). I chew thoughtfully. Could use a bit more parmesan, I conclude, but nobody’s perfect. The slice is gone in two shakes of a lamb’s tail, and I seriously consider ordering something else, but my bulging waistline is ‘wtf-ing’ that notion. I wave good-bye and step out into the night air.

Final thoughts. Being from Southern California, the whole “Canadian-style pizza” thing seemed kind of surreal. Sort of like saying “Kansai-style sashimi”, when raw fish is raw fish wherever you go. But if this is how they make their pies and run their pizzerias up in the great white north, then I’m pretty darn impressed. If you’re looking for a little comfort food and conversation in the chaos that is America Mura, then Slices is pretty much your best bet by a long shot.

Slices: http://www.whynotjapan.com/guide/slices-ja.htm

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