Let’s face it: fireworks rule. Nothing better than ash-spewing “magic snakes”, Chinese magic flower fountains that spend five seconds spewing sparks and shrieking or (best yet) blowing up clay figurines molded to vaguely resemble your friends and family with those oh-so-temptingly illegal M-80s. And usually nobody loses a thumb or eye in the process. But when a coworker in Japan asks you if you’d like to see some hanabi, be forewarned. If you don’t play your cards right things could get ugly but fast. Keep this handy-dandy list of reality checks by your side, though, and you just might make it through the summer with your friendships and sanity intact.

#1: Crowded means crowded.

Life-threatening matsuri? Free Perfume concerts? Godzilla attacking the city? Nope, nothing gets people in the streets in larger numbers than fireworks. Take my first fireworks festival in Okazaki City. From the evening, traffic came to a near standstill (which doesn’t stop very frustrated people from driving), and the whole area around the Otogawa river (rivers are ideal spots for hanabi) was wall-to-wall hot, sweaty families and knock-kneed yukata clad bimbos fanning themselves vainly and stumbling about in geta that they had bought the same day. Better give up on the idea of buses or even bicycle. Bottom line: walk if you can and bring a fan.

Heading somewhere into the country for your fireworks entertainment? Don’t think you’re going to escape the crowds. Far from it, you’re actually more likely to get bottlenecked in train stations on route. I can definitely say fireworks on the beach at Atami was one of the nicer memories I have of Japan, but the endless lines and ridiculously crowded ride home via JR almost had me and my friends passing out from heat and lack of oxygen.

Bottom line: Wherever you’re going, the crowds are going to affect your enjoyment of the fireworks. Unless you have a company connection with a boxed seat at one of the big festivals, try to find displays as close to home as possible. Be aware of the ebb and flow of the crowds. Last summer, my friend and I went to the nearby festival in Kameoka, and started our walk back to the station a few minutes before the end of the show. Our prescience paid off big time, and we were able to take the train back with a minimum of body-to-body sardine canning.

#2: Displays are long.

As an American, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a professional fireworks display that lasted over an hour. And they were generally, well, anemic. Then compare my first fireworks festival back in Okazaki. Jesus, nearly 3 hours of fireworks. Standing on the bridge, lugging my big otaku backpack around, I could feel the sweat slowly dripping down my back, my spine slowly pushing out of alignment my neck preparing for one of the biggest cricks in all recorded history.

The bottom line: There is sometimes too much of a good thing. If you’re lucky enough to be able to view hanabi ala hanami (that is, sitting down on a picnic blanket), coming early is the way to go. Otherwise, being fashionably late (after a satisfying meal somewhere decent － those festival food stalls can be nasty) is sometimes the best option. And best leave your heavy bags at home.

#3: Do your homework.

Back to my first hanabi in Okazaki. There I am on the bridge and suddenly I see some sort of action down on the river. Men and festival clothes in boats are holding huge telephone-pole sized fountains, and shooting them up into the air, the sparks raining down like golden rain, miraculously setting no one on fire! At least that’s what I heard was going on － from vantage point I could see all of nothing. And then something around the river bend, looks like some sort of ground display, spelling out letters…maybe numbers…shoot, why can’t I see anything.

Chances are everybody in town knows the best places to see the show, and you in the tourists don’t. Ask around. Where are the ground displays going to be set up? What’s the most popular place to view the show? When should you think about heading back? Failing that, use logic. The bleachers set up to seat local bigwigs are positioned to see most of it clearly. Hunt those down. If you’re adventurous, the roofs of tall buildings are great places to watch (assuming the owners or fuzz don’t get on your case).

The bottom line: In Japan, it usually pays to follow the crowd, but when it’s all tourists, you’re going to have to use what you know to find the best place to enjoy the show.

#4: Have fun.

If you’d rather be playing WoW or watching DVDs back at home with your significant other, I sympathize. But if you’ve never been to hanabi in Japan, you really will be impressed. Gorgeous colors. Rockets that burst into weeping willows, burst into huge colorful flowers or crackle like Rice Crispies. The cities name spelled out in fire. Doraemon. Curtains of sparks. Total sensory overload for the grand finales. Japanese fireworks festivals are truly amazing and the festival atmosphere is ten-times more “authentic” fun that the manufactured pap you find at Disneyland or USJ. So break out your yukata and sandles, grab your friends and － crowds be damned- go out and experience some of the last good old-fashioned fun available.

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