For a city brimming with Shinto shrines and Buddhist temples, it's a surreal experience to hear Bing Crosby crooning “White Christmas” as one walks in and out of the department stores in Kyoto's downtown Kawaramachi district. Even more bizarre considering the X'mas toonage begins in early November in some places. Soon after, one notices the hotels and traffic islands decorated with brilliant holiday “luminarias”, and stores of every sort lug out their Santas, snowmen and other assorted decorations. Don't be fooled. Chances are Japanese X'mas is a far cry from what most of you from North America or Europe are used to. To prevent expat holiday shock (apart from the regular holiday blues), here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Christmas is for lovers. － Though actual X'mas presents are becoming more popular, the dry, ubiquitous X'mas cake is the only thing Santa is likely to bring good little girls and boys in Japan this year (thought KFC is making a push to make a bucket of greasy fried chicken a standard as well － blech) . If you're single with boy/girlfriend, though, this may be the most important dating day of the season. Girls, better start reminding your boy how much you'd LOVE to finally hit that expensive French restaurant you're always talking about. Guys, better start saving your pay, because things could get ugly, and in a hurry. Word to the wise (or penniless) Charisma Men out there: a vacant room in a love hotel on X'mas Eve is rarer than a vegan at Outback, so if you're planning on holiday nookie, better start getting creative and plan ahead. Hotel reservations are already going fast…

2. You will have to work on X'mas. － Unless your employer has a master's degree in cultural sensitivity, you're going to have to work on X'mas Eve and day this year. Sorry, but dem's the breaks. On your way to work, you might notice that the X'mas decorations are already coming down, and the New Year's stuff is already making an appearance.

3. Oshogatsu may be hazardous to your health. － As an expat, you might be tempted to head to many of the foreigner friendly countdown parties found in most major cities. Or you might be stuck in the countryside and tempted to hit your local shrine for traditional New Year's alms (hatsumode), complete with bonfires and hot sake. Which is just hunky-dory in either case, assuming you're in cycling distance to both events. Chances are, though, you may be tempted to hit a famous shrine or temple just down the train line or in the next town. Someone may even offer you a ride. Proceed with caution. The further you have to go, the more famous the shrine, the more crammed, jammed and delayed your meager vacation time may become.

4. Why not try the tube? － New Year's programming in Japan is admittedly pretty fun. For J-pop fans, you've got two huge awards shows, Record Taisho and the venerable Kohaku (I'm still giggling from DJ Ozma's nearly nude back-up dancer ‘scandal' from a few years back). And with luck there'll be one or more flavors of K1/Pride for those of you who enjoy watching two sweaty men kick the crap out of each other. As for me, I'll be comfortably at home under the kotatsu watching the three-hour Gaki no Tsukai torture comedy special. Comedians Downtown and a few friends are forced through a never-ending gauntlet of giggle-inducing situations. The catch: if they laugh, they get beat with sticks. Check the YouTube and you'll get the idea: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJ0XvCTPovQ

5. I mean, I'm serious. Don't travel. － Though X'mas is all horny 20-somethings, New Year's is the time in Japan when people return to their hometowns to clean their family gravestones and let the grandkids remind the grandparents how lucky they are to be living a retired, rural existence for most of the year. It's also a time when the shinkansens fill, and the highways back-up with millions of families on their way back to their ancestral haunts. Do you really want to deal with that on any level? Stay home, for God's sake…

6. I Am Legend Syndrome － Although it's not quite as bad as it used to be, the only activity you're likely to see on the streets from January 1st to the 3rd are zombie hordes of shrine-goers and the occasional pigeon. Local markets and most stores close, as well as most banks and even some ATMs. I'd recommend you stock up on at least three days worth of food and cash, or things might get seriously ugly. And if you're a music fan like me, do not pass up the mess of good shows in late December, because January is traditionally a wasteland for live entertainment.

Don't get me wrong, the holiday season in Japan isn't all bad. Many companies have their bounenkai end of the year parties, 5000 yen's worth of greasy food, drinks and karaoke madness. There's no rush for ‘hot' items at Toys R Us. Few lines for fake Santas. Depending on the shrine, hatsumode can be a fun and community-building event, and who doesn't like counting down the new year in front of a roaring bonfire drinking amazake (or under a heated blanket watching transvestite enka diva Mikawa Kenichi descend from the ceiling via wires on Kohaku). But as perhaps the longest consecutive string of holidays for many expat workers in Japan, it's important to be prepared and patient to make the best of your winter wonderland.

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