WhyNot!? JAPAN - Events & Classifieds in Osaka and Kyoto

Women, who understands them?
by Athan D

Let me just start by saying that when I was asked to talk about this topic I was rather caught by surprise. I am the least appropriate person to talk women. Hopefully, saying this in the beginning will save me from being stoned to death in the streets of Osaka.

Born and raised in the Spain, having a Filipino father, having attended a german school for about 14 years of my life, having lived in the US during my college days and now living in the land of the Rising Sun, I can say that I have been exposed to various, and, in most times, very contradicting cultures. Of all the traditions, believes, customs, cuisines and what else from all cultures, the one that escapes my understanding are women.

I’d like to say that women are all generally loving, and caring, sometimes jealous but understanding, sensible and kind. Sure they are, but as many researchers, psychologists and all those devoted to the study of the human behavior try to classify humans into their square and inflexible classifications, I differ and dare to say that one can not and must not say what kind of person someone else may be based on zodiac sign, blood type or whatever reasons. After all, we are all different and unique, aren’t we?

Like I said before, one can not generalize and say that all western women, whereas they are American, German, Canadian, French or other European women are all a particular way. In fact, using the term European may not even be appropriate since Latinos are also part of western cultures when compared to the eastern world.
For example, it is widely “presumed” that all Latina women are sexy bombs with a quick temper and very strong characters that even dominate their men at any time. Sure, that may be true. Latinas do like to be in control but not for the purpose of dominating their men (although it may be in some cases), but because they will let you know how they feel with little hesitation. Latina women do not hesitate to show how much they care or love someone, as they may not hesitate at all to let you know of how unhappy they may be with you.
One could say that most western women in general do not have an urge or need to hide their emotions. Most American women, for example, in general would not have a problem letting you know how they feel about you. That is, of course, after the “dating phase” has passed. What I call the “dating phase” is that time when a couple are most likely interested in each other and so they have started to go out on dates, to see how it works and maybe give it a shot at becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. I must admit, it was quite a culture shock when I witnessed this, and most importantly when I had to get used to it when I dated women in the US. Among Latin countries, at least in Spain, such a thing is rare. I felt as if in the US it was too much of a process. Did you ever notice how people who were asked if they were dating someone answered in different ways ranging from “we’re talking” “we’re seeing each other” “we’re dating” “yeah, she’s my girlfriend” or “who?”? When I was in Spain, there was never such a concept. It’s either you are together or you are not, thus, she’s your girl and your hers, for as long as you guys don’t break up. So how in the world am I supposed to know in the US if the girl (I think) I’m with is actually my girlfriend or if she thinks we’re just “talking”, “seeing” or “dating”? I guess you do have to ask her. In Spain, I had never had to ask a girl anything like that, because it is already known from the beginning. Confusing? Yeah, tell me about it.
So, how do Japanese women confront this dilemma about letting their feelings be known or if they are actually “dating” a particular guy? Well, in general it may seem that the majority hide their feelings from the beginning. I’ve heard that some think those feelings don’t need to be express with words and that one should be able to feel it, and some say they are too shy to tell you, while others have not had a problem at all letting you know, as long as you ask. Generally it is presumed that the Japanese woman hides her feelings versus her western counterparts.
Regarding how they see dating, I had to ask some of the Japanese girls I know who have lived overseas to give me an insight on their views. In general, they feel that Japanese women are more serious about their relationships with their boyfriends than western women. They feel that western women give much liberty to their boyfriends when goin out to eat with another woman. A Japanese woman would be really worried (more than a western girl would) about her boyfriend going out to lunch or dinner with another female, whereas a western girl is “optimistic” about her relationship and may not worry so much as long as she knows. The Japanese woman would instead start to imagine and wonder what the boyfriend may be doing out there (lots of opportunities for men out there considering the proliferation of hostess clubs and other businesses that appeal to men’s carnal temptations). According to what I was told，lately Japanese women are becoming more “westernized” and it is OK for them to socialize with other male companions who may not be their boyfriend which may lead to something I witnessed a lot in the US, when a woman went out to dinner with some other guy because “he has gone out with another girl too”, and it all just turns into a vicious circle.
Latinas have a very strong believe in loyalty and mutual devotion in their relationships. For this reason they hold on to their boyfriends rather tightly. Most of my friends in the US considered them very possessive for this reason, and I can see why one may see them that way from an American point of view. Trust is always on the line in a relationship, and most importantly when you are in a relationship with a Latin man or woman. But what about Japanese women? Are they jealous too? Well, yes they are. You may have not noticed it yet, but they can be jealous in a very subtle way, and when you less expect it, they’ll getcha! I found out late, to my regret, that sharing one’s cell phone e-mail address is very personal and may lead to someone assuming that you are interested in her or him. So, be careful when sharing or exchanging personal info like your e-mail address or you might make more than one person not trust you.
Once again, every person is different even with the same cultural backgrounds. I can’t say Japanese are a certain way, the Spanish this other way, and Americans another particular way. I think it also has to do with who the girl is with. In my case, I don’t even try to understand it anymore.

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Poster	Thread
Guest	Posted: 2008/8/23 5:52 Updated: 2008/8/23 5:52
	Re: Women, who understands them?[ja]世界の女性た... No one understands them (even themselves) but Japanese women have a more desirable appeal to them for me when it comes to dating.

Mike	Posted: 2006/3/6 22:59 Updated: 2006/3/6 22:59
常連 Joined: 2006/1/25 From: Las Vegas Posts: 68	Re: Report in Kansai[ja]インターナショナルレポ... Right on. The site's first editorial piece. Thanks for putting up something useful and informative.