Women, who understands them?
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Women, who understands them?
by Athan D
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Let me just start by saying that when I was asked to talk about
this topic I was rather caught by surprise. I am the least appropriate
person to talk women. Hopefully, saying this in the beginning will
save me from being stoned to death in the streets of Osaka.
Born and raised in the Spain, having a Filipino father, having
attended a german school for about 14 years of my life, having lived
in the US during my college days and now living in the land of the
Rising Sun, I can say that I have been exposed to various, and,
in most times, very contradicting cultures. Of all the traditions,
believes, customs, cuisines and what else from all cultures, the
one that escapes my understanding are women.
I’d like to say that women are all generally loving, and caring,
sometimes jealous but understanding, sensible and kind. Sure they
are, but as many researchers, psychologists and all those devoted
to the study of the human behavior try to classify humans into their
square and inflexible classifications, I differ and dare to say
that one can not and must not say what kind of person someone else
may be based on zodiac sign, blood type or whatever reasons. After
all, we are all different and unique, aren’t we?
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Like I said before, one can not generalize and say that all western
women, whereas they are American, German, Canadian, French or other
European women are all a particular way. In fact, using the term European
may not even be appropriate since Latinos are also part of western
cultures when compared to the eastern world.
For example, it is widely “presumed” that all Latina women are sexy
bombs with a quick temper and very strong characters that even dominate
their men at any time. Sure, that may be true. Latinas do like to
be in control but not for the purpose of dominating their men (although
it may be in some cases), but because they will let you know how they
feel with little hesitation. Latina women do not hesitate to show
how much they care or love someone, as they may not hesitate at all
to let you know of how unhappy they may be with you.
One could say that most western women in general do not have an urge
or need to hide their emotions. Most American women, for example,
in general would not have a problem letting you know how they feel
about you. That is, of course, after the “dating phase” has passed.
What I call the “dating phase” is that time when a couple are most
likely interested in each other and so they have started to go out
on dates, to see how it works and maybe give it a shot at becoming
boyfriend and girlfriend. I must admit, it was quite a culture shock
when I witnessed this, and most importantly when I had to get used
to it when I dated women in the US. Among Latin countries, at least
in Spain, such a thing is rare. I felt as if in the US it was too
much of a process. Did you ever notice how people who were asked if
they were dating someone answered in different ways ranging from “we’re
talking” “we’re seeing each other” “we’re dating” “yeah, she’s my
girlfriend” or “who?”? When I was in Spain, there was never such a
concept. It’s either you are together or you are not, thus, she’s
your girl and your hers, for as long as you guys don’t break up. So
how in the world am I supposed to know in the US if the girl (I think)
I’m with is actually my girlfriend or if she thinks we’re just “talking”,
“seeing” or “dating”? I guess you do have to ask her. In Spain, I
had never had to ask a girl anything like that, because it is already
known from the beginning. Confusing? Yeah, tell me about it.
So, how do Japanese women confront this dilemma about letting their
feelings be known or if they are actually “dating” a particular guy?
Well, in general it may seem that the majority hide their feelings
from the beginning. I’ve heard that some think those feelings don’t
need to be express with words and that one should be able to feel
it, and some say they are too shy to tell you, while others have not
had a problem at all letting you know, as long as you ask. Generally
it is presumed that the Japanese woman hides her feelings versus her
western counterparts.
Regarding how they see dating, I had to ask some of the Japanese girls
I know who have lived overseas to give me an insight on their views.
In general, they feel that Japanese women are more serious about their
relationships with their boyfriends than western women. They feel
that western women give much liberty to their boyfriends when goin
out to eat with another woman. A Japanese woman would be really worried
(more than a western girl would) about her boyfriend going out to
lunch or dinner with another female, whereas a western girl is “optimistic”
about her relationship and may not worry so much as long as she knows.
The Japanese woman would instead start to imagine and wonder what
the boyfriend may be doing out there (lots of opportunities for men
out there considering the proliferation of hostess clubs and other
businesses that appeal to men’s carnal temptations). According to
what I was told，lately Japanese women are becoming more “westernized”
and it is OK for them to socialize with other male companions who
may not be their boyfriend which may lead to something I witnessed
a lot in the US, when a woman went out to dinner with some other guy
because “he has gone out with another girl too”, and it all just turns
into a vicious circle.
Latinas have a very strong believe in loyalty and mutual devotion
in their relationships. For this reason they hold on to their boyfriends
rather tightly. Most of my friends in the US considered them very
possessive for this reason, and I can see why one may see them that
way from an American point of view. Trust is always on the line in
a relationship, and most importantly when you are in a relationship
with a Latin man or woman. But what about Japanese women? Are they
jealous too? Well, yes they are. You may have not noticed it yet,
but they can be jealous in a very subtle way, and when you less expect
it, they’ll getcha! I found out late, to my regret, that sharing one’s
cell phone e-mail address is very personal and may lead to someone
assuming that you are interested in her or him. So, be careful when
sharing or exchanging personal info like your e-mail address or you
might make more than one person not trust you.
Once again, every person is different even with the same cultural
backgrounds. I can’t say Japanese are a certain way, the Spanish this
other way, and Americans another particular way. I think it also has
to do with who the girl is with. In my case, I don’t even try to understand
it anymore.
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